2/26/1999
	I can now begin to imagine what it is like for family to waiting for the news of a successful birth. Sure it is a completely different thing, but waiting for the results of the doctor’s tests is truly like waiting for the news of a successful birth. I can sense the tension in her and I do my best to not show mine, but I fear my lack of tension may be alarming her in another manner. I’ve always been low key with my emotions. She hates it. I hate it. But I wear my heart on my sleeve and if I don’t hide it somebody will hurt it. It has become such a subconscious reflex that I don’t even realize that I’m hiding my emotions. Sometimes when I let them out, I feel very ashamed. Not because I am a MAN and should be a rock, but just because my emotions are so true to form that it is the most personal thing about me. Showing my uninhibited emotions is like being naked in a crowded mall. She gets to peek at that part of me occasionally and I truly think that is why she loves me. I hope that I can overcome this problem soon, or I hope that my children are able to see the part of me she does.